Confessions of a Teenage Blockhead

By Bert V. Royal

Dog Sees God

     Dog Sees God: Confessions of a Teenage Blockhead by Bert V. Royal is an unauthorized parody of the lovable cartoon characters that have watched us grow up from their comic strips and from behind the TV and Big Screen since their creation in 1950. So in turn we pay that favor back and check into a world that Royal has created where the characters have not only grown up, they have done so without escaping the scars and hurdles that life inflicts.


     These characters are not dealing with just the mystery of a Great Vegetable, but rather take on the complexities of life that it seems not even cartoons can escape.


    One should not spend time trying to figure out which character in Dog Sees God is representative of their famous counterparts, but rather dive into the world that Royal wastes no time in creating as he emotionally hooks you within the first 5 minutes. Drug use, suicide, eating disorders, teen violence, rebellion, and sexual identity collide and careen towards an ending that is both haunting and hopeful. 

DOG SEES GOD was first presented by

Sorrel Tomlinson / File 14 Productions

at The 2004 New York International Fringe Festival,

a production of The Present Company

Originally produced Off-Broadway,

in a limited engagement, by Sorrel Tomlinson.

Subsequently produced Off-Broadway

by Dede Harris  and Martian Entertainment

in association with

Sharon Karmazin, Michelle Schneider, Mort Swinsky.

DOG SEES GOD has not been authorized or approved

in any manner by the Charles M. Schulz Estate or United Features Syndicate,

which have no responsibility for its content.

DOG SEES GOD is presented by special arrangement with Dramatists Play

Service, Inc., New York.


Bert V. Royal

About the Author

     Bert V. Royal moved to New York City at the age of 21 from Green Cove Springs, Florida. Originally a native of Aurora, Colorado, Royal was home schooled by his mom growing up, and only got a few college courses under his belt before leaving his educational pursuits for the Big Apple.


     With a dream and talent, Royal dove into the theater scene, finding his first open door by way of casting after accepting his first NY job as an intern at the Public Theatre.


     Royal, 5 year after entering, left the world of casting to try his hand at writing. However, he struck success with Dog Sees God: Confessions of a Teenage Blockhead, which would go on to win Best Overall Production at the New York 2004 International Fringe Festival. That attention caught the eyes of producers, which would eventually lead the play to it's Off-Broadway Debut in 2015. 

     Since writing Dog Sees God, Royal has gone on to Film and TV acclaim as he was the writer for the Emma Stone comedy Easy A (2010), Joey Dakota (2012), as well as Recovery Road (2016) - a TV Drama that ran on ABC.

     Yet to grace the stage in New York, Royal wrote a follow up to Dog Sees God in 2014 that premiered in L.A., that work titled The Gospel According to Matt, Confessions of a Teenage Dirtbag.

Character Breakdown

CB                    The main character in the play who is intensely saddened over a recent death and is forced to question everything,                                including his social status when he unwittingly falls for a classmate.

CB's Sister     CB's sister has gone goth, at least for a portion of the play. It is mentioned that, like her cartoon counterpart, she                                    changes her philosophy on life often. You might just say she brings the drama to the show.

Van                  As a philosopher in his early childhood, Van is now a pothead with a worldview to match. When he is not careening                                over philosophy, he repeatedly attempts to pursue a relationship with CB's Sister.

Matt                Contradictory to his cartoon counterpart, Matt is a pathological germophobe whose dirtiness has been internalized.                              He is your resident jock and CB's best friend, 

Beethoven      The outcast of the group, but not for the reasons you would think. As a recluse, he takes solace in playing the piano.                              When he gets romantically involved with a classmate, his world is turned upside down.

Tricia             The party girl of the group who professes herself to be "Pretty" and "Popular".  But you would be surprised that even                                the party girl is more than what she seems in the end. 

Marcy             What party girl is complete without a best friend, in step Marcy. Tricia and Marcy are never found without the other.

                         When they are not figuring out the origin of inventions, the two keep the play moving with their lively opinions. 

Van's Sister    One of CB's best friends, and ex girlfriend, you find that she has found herself in tight quarters when the play begins.                             But in life, it is the character who has lost everything that has the best advice to give. 


Pen Pal           This character does not appear in person, but is alluded to being a representation of God. Through a series of letters                             written to CB, Pen Pal delivers the kind of hope we all hold on to when the light at the end of the tunnel goes dim.

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